Beauty is Acceptance...

"Beauty is acceptance. It's being kind to other people and accepting yourself."

I officially nominate her to be my blog spokeswoman:D


I found this on a really neat blog about looking your best in every shape and size.

Phase 1 - Day 24

Woohoo! I feel like I'm getting a bit back on track. 

Food
Cheerios, spaghetti, egg salad sandwich, multigrain tortilla chips, and pizza.

Exercise
Today I did the full hour of YZ#4.  I really needed it! Man my back was grouchy, AND my rib popped back into place!  It felt odd, but not scary. 

When I had that cold a couple of weeks ago, I coughed so hard I had back spasms. Once I started to get better and resumed  my yoga, I noticed that one side of my ribcage felt especially tight, and when I tried to breathe into that area, there was a spot that just felt like a pinch. So I've been gentle and patient, and just observed if there was any improvement. Other areas have been loosening up, which actually seem to magnify the tightness of the ribcage spot. Of course I only really felt it when I was stretching over to the side. 

Well, my patience paid off! Near the end of my yoga practice doing the spinal twist, I had the urge to do a morning stretch instead... You know, the intense kind you have when you first wake up, and it feels so awesome. Well as I was groaning and flailing on the floor, all sort of little pops, creaks and readjustment were happening all over. Then as I hunched up my shoulders and rolled over, this marvelous little release happened in the ribcage! And I could breathe freely on that side! Ahhhhhh. It's times like this I'm SO glad I do yoga at home and not in a class setting:)

So walking is great, and does allow me to work through stress, even little aches and pains. But, there is such a drastic difference when I do yoga vs anything else. I'm so grateful my teacher taught me how to practice without being competitive and pushing myself - I'm FINALLY starting to get it!

Sitting Pretty

I realized as I was driving to the orthodontist today that I felt PRETTY. It was such a strange feeling! I wasn't fantasizing that I'm 50 pounds lighter, or pretending to be someone else... I just simply felt attractive. 

I think this must be the result of intentionally practicing acceptance for myself, and not allowing my brain to get into a mode of criticism, or even just focusing on what I lack: what I don't have and what I'm not doing. Instead I'm focusing on smart things, small behaviors that add up to a lifestyle of good living. And I'm more focused on being grateful for what I do have, what I can do, appreciating who and where I am today. 

And as far as following my plan, HA! I am probably only accomplishing half of what I had intended. I am not adhering to my plan with any notion of perfection. In fact I have been slacking, and yet I am still yielding all these marvelous results! And in this latest result is a rather startling one. 

To sit here and to have this just wash over me, this marvelous feeling of being valuable, acceptable and attractive is completely wonderful. I am filled with this delightful sense of possibility and energy. It's somewhat similar to that feeling you get when you have a crush, or have just been deeply flattered or when you fall in love. It's a low-grade euphoria. I can't imagine how it must be to feel like this every day, but 'sitting pretty' is pretty awesome - I hope it stays!

Phase 1 - Day 15

I feel quite a bit better today! But I really need to not overdo it again. I have a plan to alternate active chores with a sedentary project.

This morning was my weigh-in, and I was pretty excited to see that I didn't gain any weight! Especially considering I've been a total slug while getting over this cold.

We watched Biggest Loser season 11 episode 3. We had planned to watch BL every Sunday to commemorate a week's worth of work, and to renew our commitments for the following week. Except, this season is so boring! Maybe I simply miss Jillian... Nah, its just meh. Normally after watching BL, I'm pumped to go out and run a race or climb a mountain or jump of a cliff. Good thing I'm NOT relying on them to supply my motivation this time around.

Food
I'm bored with what's in my pantry; I need to go shopping! Which means I need to develop a menu and such. In the meantime, today's meals were a PB and banana sandwich, curry and quinoa, mac and cheese, and pizza.

Exercise
Oh, I had the BEST workout today! I finally did yoga a whole hour and then some. Oh it was rapturous. I haven't felt this good since I got the massage. Per usual I cued my fav yoga program, but when we reached the halfway mark signaling the beginning of the strength and conditioning portion, I either did a modified version of what they were doing, or substituted positions that my body was telling me it wanted. Kinda like the 2nd Golden Rule where you honor your cravings. Well my body was craving more time devoted to my spinal flexibility. No complicated pretzel positions for me - what this meant was hugging my knees to my chest and rolling around like a roly-poly bug, while breathing. Good stuff! Then, for the first time since returning to yoga, I finished my practice with shavasana. Oh Heaven... I remember my first and greatest yoga instructor Bonnie once told me that the two most fundamental poses in yoga are tadasana and shavasana. Sound complicated? They are! They are standing up straight, and relaxing completely. Tricky stuff:)

The Big Picture: Health and Fitness

Its amazing what we take for granted. I'm an energetic motivated person, a hard worker. But when it comes to safeguarding my health, I'm lazy, selfish, and short-sighted. Always pushing too hard, cutting corners and demanding more from myself. I could get away with this in my teens and 20s, but now I'm in my mid 30s and I feel OLD and decrepit. I ache and creak. Stiff and sore. I get tired. I'm overweight. My memory is terrible. Isn't this supposed to be what it's like in my 80s?!

My mother had a lot of challenges when she was in her 30s too. She had a lot of pain, and I remember how she would limp first thing in the morning, or really anytime she sat for too long. A couple years ago I injured the tendons in my foot while hiking vigorously. It took nearly a year for it to heal, and it was with a hollow kind of horror that I too would limp whenever I got out of bed, or after sitting awhile. I've had a back ache since I was a kid. In high school I had stress knots in my neck. For a couple years I have had problems with my hips and shoulders. Just within the last six months I've started having concerns with one of my knees and one of my wrists. I'm falling apart here!!!

Physically, I'm up to my eyeballs in debt. All I do is make withdrawals and borrow against the future, but I never make any deposits or investments. I shudder to think if I continued on this path for another 10 years, how my health would be bankrupted. And the last ten years have just flown by in a blink! I believe I still have time to turn this around. But I know somewhere along the line I will pass that point of no return. And there is so much I dream of being able to do with my life!

For the last couple of years I've been coming to the realization that I would rather be FAT & HEALTHY any day, than be SICK & SKINNY. What is life without health? About a month ago, I saw a wonderful video. It's exactly what I needed to focus in on what to do next.

I also want to talk about self-esteem, and self-acceptance, even self-love.

When I was a young woman, I was obsessed with looking good. I started to get overweight in highschool. I'd go hungry and try diets because I needed to lose just 10 pounds to be happy. My ultimate DREAM was to get back to my middle school weight of 115#. I would get myself all stirred up about what I wanted to change about myself, rejecting those things which were stealing my happiness. I hated my butt, hated that my inner thighs touched, hated my upper arm flab. So what was I gonna do about it? Boot Camp baby! I was gonna burn it all off in a flaming fury of determination and exercise. I was gonna starve those stupid fat cells of any unnecessary calories. I was going to ruthlessly eliminate cheese, pasta and pizza, and everything else that was frivolous fun food. I was militant, and angry at myself for being weak and selfish in the past. I was 135#, and I was sick of being this disgusting fatso. The only way I knew how to motivate myself was to be aggressive and feel bad about myself. In the midst of all the mania, I did finally find a smart plan called Body For Life, which included cardio, strength training and a balanced diet. But it was expensive with all the pills, powders, and protein supplements. For a time I looked good, felt good. Now, I may have been performing positive activities, but it was all done with an ill spirit. Then I got distracted.

And then, I got FFFFAAAATTTT.

I went back to eating really healthfully, but I stayed fat. I tried cutting my calories (because we need fewer calories as we get older) and instead of losing weight, I lost my energy instead. I stayed active. And I stayed FAT. I tried to revive my earlier strategies to no avail. So I decided I wouldn't worry about it. I had a wonderful husband who loved me and was affectionate, attentive and romantic despite my size. Then I had a couple really difficult chalenging times in my life, and for no discernible reason, I got FATTER.

So what now?

Now I just want to be grateful for what I do have. I am 34 years old, 5'5" and 180#. I'm not wheelchair bound; I can walk! I'm not so heavy that I can't garden, drive a car, or make love with my husband. I am blessed! I am young enough that I can go do anything I want with my life! I have no diseases. My brain still halfway works. I am humbled that my body still performs as well as it does with very little attention or care. But it deserves to be loved and nurtured. I deserve to be loved and nurtured too. So no more withholding approval from myself until I'm this thin ideal body. No more holding off on rewarding myself with pretty clothes until I'm a worthy size. No more Boot Camp. No more fighting with myself over what I should be. No more punishment. Just, NO MORE!

Today I accept myself, inside and out. I love myself, I appreciate myself. I am already pretty! I will do what is good for me today, honoring my appetite, my energy levels, my current limitations. I will gently press against these limitations until they ease. I will breathe. I will live my life and I will love my life! I've got some negative habits that I will transform into positive habits. I'm not gonna let myself down.  
I'm gonna lift myself up!!!


 Please, no matter where you are in your life, won't you consider your Big Picture too?